Promenades | Guy Verville
All the texts on this site are originally written in French. The English version is produced with the help of Deepl.com. Not everything has been translated yet.
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No boyfriend, no dog, no cat

2019/07/13

Who am I, by the way? I jokingly exclaimed while putting the cutlery in my neighbors’ dishwasher. And one of them answered me: “No boyfriend, no dog, no cat”.

At the time, I sighed and kept quiet, almost with pride. I thought of them, of course, married since 2006, growing old with their three cats, forming a couple as we often see it, namely a contract, a way of camaraderie and companionship. I live a little bit with them every night. The house belongs to us. I live upstairs, they live on the ground floor. We have a schedule, a routine, I prepare dinner on Thursday and pizza on Saturday. They do the rest. Of course, we share the costs.

From the outside, it looks a little like a truple without being one, even if one of them comes to my house for breakfast every morning, because he wants to let the other sleep.

So I’m not really alone, and I have no companion, no dog, no cat. Of the last two, I don’t want any more. I’ve given enough to the animal race. Of the first, I don’t know, I don’t know anymore. I confess to watching the horde of passers-by every day. I confess to questioning myself about one look, another, eyes that never point in my direction. I confess to drinking from the beauty of men. Yet I don’t know if I could ever live with anyone again. I will be told that it is not worth worrying about, that you cross the river of love when you get there and that you usually have the will and the means to build a bridge to cross it.

I would like to believe it, but time is passing and I have the honesty to say that I may be too old, that I no longer want to take a love engineering course. My existence is already, in itself, a walk, a path that I have barely explored. I am indeed not alone and that is probably what matters since I keep the freedom to be what I could be, understand the koan that can.

Who am I to know? Me. With this tide of other beings. So I am only a drop in this Kafkaesque ocean of humanity. But if I am a drop, I am also the ocean and I know full well that ephemeral glances arise on me, also in search of harmony, a temporary resonance or nourished by long breath. That’s the quality of it all: ephemeral. To the invective of this poet who asked us if we were not tired of dying, we bastards, I would answer that we must die a little bit all the time to give way to the adventure of the present moment. But we still have to assume…

No boyfriend, no dog, no cat. These are only three dimensions of billions of other possibilities. I’ll see when I have to cross a river, whatever it is.

h h h
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2019/03/26 Ullasa
2019/03/17 The lake
2019/03/02 Sixty years old
2018/03/18 The lion's kiss
2018/03/10 With time
2018/02/11 Director
2018/01/28 A tenor cries
2017/08/22 I walk
2017/08/19 The sound
2017/08/13 Where to go?
2017/06/23 I dreamt of him
2017/05/21 To my parents
2017/03/02 58
2017/02/12 I remember
2016/09/19 The flower-suns
2016/08/27 This vow
2016/08/20 The ear-eye
2016/08/11 The tree
2016/08/07 The flight
2016/07/09 Glimmers
2016/07/02 Time
2016/05/28 Engraving
2016/05/13 Singing on sand
2016/05/01 Walking alone
2016/04/09 Luminous clock
2016/04/04 Ara
2016/03/26 Neptune and me
2016/02/27 280
2016/02/13 The young madman
2015/12/20 the loose ends
2015/09/21 The wall
2015/07/01 The shoemaker
2015/06/29 Razor and love
2015/06/27 The monkeys
2015/05/24 Invisible
2015/04/19 Our kites
2015/04/06 I killed a bird
2015/03/07 Brittle
2014/11/16 Sex shop
2014/11/02 Falaise, phase 3
2014/10/24 Over the seasons
2014/10/13 The Cosmic Saw
2014/10/03 The spiral
2014/04/12 Translate?
2014/04/09 Is that aging?
2014/03/22 Eighty
2014/02/23 Without a home
2013/10/12 Of the will
2013/09/15 Aboulie
2013/06/30 L’attente
2013/04/06 VLB Éditeur
2013/03/29 Youkali
2013/03/09 L'ami invisible
2013/03/06 Les tiroirs
2013/03/01 23:14
2013/01/06 Fourmis
2013/01/05 Palimpseste
2012/06/14 Le vide
2012/06/09 Orages
2012/06/08 Le contrepoint
2012/06/06 Je suis
2012/06/02 Quelqu'un lit
2012/04/08 Sensible
2012/04/05 Troisième refus
2012/03/23 Faux koan
2012/03/19 Leur papa
2012/03/06 Pikaia
2012/03/05 Les regards
2012/03/04 Pain quotidien
2012/03/02 Le rythme
2012/02/29 Les légendes
2012/02/28 La roue
2012/02/28 Fou à lier
2012/02/27 Second refus
2012/02/24 Fin de neige
2012/01/20 Faire
2012/01/19 La voix
2012/01/11 Premier refus
2012/01/10 Gestoir
2012/01/01 Ne pas oublier
2011/12/31 Le petit chien
2011/12/29 Froid de canard
2011/11/15 Les invisibles
2011/11/14 Amour Amours
2011/11/13 Sommes-nous ?
2011/11/12 L'amitié
2011/10/25 Atteindre
2011/10/23 De la modestie
2011/10/22 Point final
2011/10/21 Les illusions
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