Count up to 9

I can only count to nine. I did this by fol­low­ing the sug­ges­tion of my med­i­ta­tion guide who advised me to count each of my breath­ing cycles, and to start again when I reached 10.

How­ev­er, when it came time to visu­al­ize this ten, I con­vert­ed 1 + 0 = 1, then 1 + 1 equals 2.

1, 10, 19, 28, 37, 46, 55, 64, 73, 82, 91, 100

2, 11, 20, 29…

19 is the mir­ror of 91.

101 is the cousin of 2.

These are mind games, a numerol­o­gy that means noth­ing to sci­en­tists. My sci­ence does­n’t care. Pseu­do-cal­cu­la­tion reminds me of the pow­er of 0, alone and unique. We can count all the quan­ti­ties, even those that are coloured with infi­nite com­plex­i­ties. There is only one noth­ing­ness, only one igno­rance that is unspeak­able because it is incom­pre­hen­si­ble, beyond reach. Even if, in the end, we think we have to name it, and then for­get that nam­ing is quan­ti­fy­ing. There would there­fore be only one God, for those called, count­ed for cen­turies, were noth­ing more than wan­der­ings and mis­un­der­stand­ings. Now that we know there is only one, we use vio­lence to pre­serve our iden­ti­ty. What pity. It is also a ques­tion of our cer­tain­ties and our vain poli­cies. Once we have found a rea­son­ing for them, we think we have to bar­ri­cade them, reg­i­ment them.

The 0 is scary.

Count­ing to nine, writ­ten in full, is pret­ty, because nine sug­gests that it is new (nine in French is the same word as “neuf”, new), start­ed over and that we can afford to reinvent .

I will be told that we are not mak­ing strong chil­dren with this math­e­mat­ics and that sci­ence has pro­pelled us to the Moon and soon to Mars.

We for­get that sci­ence allows zero in its cal­cu­la­tions, because only sci­ence gives it all its free­dom to the human mind…

But I’m ram­bling, sit­ting com­fort­ably in my bed. Out­side, there are mil­lions of snowflakes in addi­tion to the tril­lions of stars I miss.

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 1

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 2

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 3

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 4

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 5

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 6

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 7

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 8

Breath­ing in, breath­ing out, 9

Breathe in, breathe out, 1.…