Learning to rest

Autumn always suc­ceeds in seduc­ing me, espe­cial­ly in the morn­ing when the sun, straight ahead, mix­es its light with the opales­cence decay­ing leaves. This will not last. In the Pacif­ic, a typhoon was pow­er­ful enough to shake up the large atmos­pher­ic jets and, like ran­dom domi­noes, the sur­round­ing sys­tems fester.

There will be rain for the next week, a short vaca­tion for me. I had­n’t tak­en the time to rest yet this year. A project was not pro­gress­ing and as I am in charge of it, I wait­ed until the var­i­ous pieces of the puz­zle were well in place to leave.

“Any apol­o­gy is good for not tak­ing a vaca­tion,” the human resources man­ag­er told me one day. She’s not wrong, espe­cial­ly in my case. For me, this is cer­tain­ly a head­long rush, as if I were afraid of los­ing the min­i­mum cer­tain­ty I have about the future.

This last week was exhaust­ing in many ways, hav­ing to con­front a col­league. Being angry is not usu­al for me, peo­ple and dra­mat­ic ges­tures annoy me, hol­low bar­rels exas­per­ate me. I’ve seen and expe­ri­enced too much.

How­ev­er, I don’t like to let peo­ple surf their gall behind me. There will prob­a­bly be a win­ter between this col­league and me, but the pro­fes­sion­al­ism of each will ensure that the nec­es­sary lay­er of humus is added that will bury the disagreement.

So now I’m drag­ging my prob­lems along on these days of rest. A week is too short. I will, there­fore, have to be very care­ful not to for­get the rich­ness of the silence and let things go.

Sem­per ipse ero, I will always be myself, I made it my mot­to as a teenag­er. Is that a real con­vic­tion ? I’m not the one from my 15th birth­day, but I’m the same. And does it real­ly matter ?

Let us do some­thing else every day that is giv­en to us. And for me, I will have to com­plete some ren­o­va­tions. If I don’t per­sist, I’ll leave, at least, a building.